worst night to have a conscience
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
