we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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