Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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