I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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