trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
