I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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