The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
