I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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