I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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