he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
