His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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