Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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