it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
