Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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