Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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