Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
