I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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