what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
