I haven't been this sober since birth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
