Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You can't just leave with hair like that
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
