My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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