I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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