9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
