I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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