Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
