I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
