My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We're not piercing ourselves today.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
