Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
