420 ftw
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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