If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
