i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize