Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
