hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We're too hungover to prance.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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