Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
