Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
