Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
