I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have aggressive nipples.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
