I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
