That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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