doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
