Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
