That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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