Well douche your snatch and let's go!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
