Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
