Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i out mim tonsoeep
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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