she looked like the bat from fern gully.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
