On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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