I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
