My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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