I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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