I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also, beer. Big fan.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
