just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We had sex on a dog bed..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
