God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
