I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize