I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
