I heard we made out
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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