I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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