my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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