i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
