She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Please don't give away my fajitas
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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