you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
