I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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