Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
