the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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