I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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