My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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