i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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