just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize