fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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