A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So much rum. So many feels.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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