2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
