I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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