I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
