Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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