he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
