The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We named our party play list daddy issues
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
