Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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