remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
