At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
